Becoming Spiritually Fit & Physically Fit: Full Circle Woman

Spring is almost here and with that, brings, warmer weather, the budding of trees and flowers blooming. It’s also a time for physical fitness as well as spiritual fitness. You see, many cultures celebrate spiritual traditions at this time of year and also prepare physically for the warmer weather.

In order to become physically fit we must also become spiritually fit as well. I truly believe that if you are spiritually fit your physical fitness will follow.

Becoming spiritually fit can sometimes be harder than becoming physically fit. As women, although we are more in tuned with our emotional side than our physical side at times, when we are young, we tend to focus a lot more on our physical selves. This is only natural as we try to discover our place in the world.

Our spiritual selves also takes shape because by nature, as women, we are nurtures. In other words, we have an emotional connection with everyone we allow into our lives. This includes God. If we speak to Him daily we are creating a spiritual bond. If we come to Him for help we are also creating a spiritual bond. If we sing His praises we are spiritually connected. This is also true for men as well, but as women we tend to become more involved emotionally.

Becoming physically fit can be our main focus when we are young. Our body image changes the way we look at the world and also how we perceive how the world looks back at us. It can be more challenging as you get older to stay physically fit if you develop some sort of chronic illness or condition. As women we physically go through many changes in our lives. These changes can be extremely overwhelming at times.

First we go through puberty. We try to deal with our new body image and compare ourselves to our peers. As we grow into young women, we tend to focus on the latest fashion, hair, make-up and clothing. When we settle down and get married we tend to relax a bit but try to stay with the trend. Then, all of a sudden, we start a family. This puts lots of pressure on our bodies. Some more than others. We gain weight, our hips get wider, we experience stretch marks, etc. Some of us do this multiple times. Still we try to keep in shape.

As the years go by, our children grow up, move out, get married and start families of their own.  We start to look at ourselves in the mirror once again and discover that we need to get back in shape. Now that we have raised a family and we suddenly have more free time, more time to focus on ourselves, we start to get back in touch with our body image. It may look a little different. We might not be able to run a marathon or anything just yet, but we start to discover the woman that’s still hiding somewhere. The woman we once were only wiser. We get back in tune with both our physical selves and our spiritual selves.

As we age, we become more aware of both our spirituality as well as our physicality. These two go hand and hand. I believe that as we women get older and have more life experiences, we simply have the time to slow down just enough to reflect on our accomplishments. As we reflect we can compare what we have done in the past and what we wish to accomplish in the future. We tend to do a lot of soul searching and also a lot of physical evaluation. We discover we have reached middle age.

Some women think that growing older is scary. They don’t want to admit their age. They want to still feel as though they are a vital part of society.

In my own personal experience, I am elated that I have raised my family and they are doing well and I have the rest of my life to spend focusing on me. I now have the wisdom to know what I want and what I don’t want. This, to me, is the best time of my life.

Connecting your spiritual life and your physical life begin to come full circle in middle age. It’s the best time to rediscover who you are and what you want out of life. When we reach middle age, we are usually about fifty years old or more. Many of us are still working and have a very defined career. Our children have emptied the nest and we are reconnecting with our spouses. We start to discover that we really have no control over the lives of our loved ones and because of that, it gets us to really do some soul searching. We start to pray more often because we have come to the realization that only God has control over everything that happens and we want to be in His presence more often seeking what He wants us to do. We may take on a hobby or join a gym to get back in shape. Both our spiritual selves and physical selves being nurtured at the same time.

I believe this is the best time of a woman’s life. She has come full circle. She has the rest of her life in front of her and the reflection of her accomplishments behind her. She has gone full circle and is discovering the woman of worth that she truly is.

As we approach the spring season and renew our spiritual commitments and work toward our physical well being I would like to leave you with a verse from proverbs…

Proverbs 31:10

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”





Living a Joyful Life in the Midst of Our Trials

Living a joyful life in the midst of our trials seems impossible at times. We tend to focus on our problems rather than the blessings that surround us everyday. Our attitudes change when things are going great but when we suddenly experience a trial, like an illness or financial difficulty, we suddenly lose our focus and instead of feeling joyful we feel sorrow. Obviously if we’ve just been told we have cancer or we get the news that someone we love has passed away we are not initially going to feel joyful but we don’t have to let our sorrows control us.

There is a time to feel sad, especially when we receive bad news. This is a normal reaction. We need a little time to take it all in. It’s when we dwell on our issues that can cause lasting effects on our lives such as becoming depressed and not focusing our energy on all that we have in our lives that is great. I mean if we are living here in the U.S. and we have a roof over our head and food on our table we are already more blessed than seventy-five percent of the entire world population. That being said, how can we find joy in our lives amidst the trials?

First, we can shift our focus. Let’s say we found out that we have a major illness and we are afraid of the unknown. The first thing we can do after the initial shock is pray. I know…I know…you’re all thinking that there she goes again talking about prayer. In case you don’t already know, I believe in the healing of prayer. I will not stop talking about it because it has truly blessed my life in ways I couldn’t begin to tell you all. Most of you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway but it doesn’t change my truth. In fact, if it weren’t for prayer and the goodness of God and His mercy, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog today!

The next thing after praying and asking God for help is to go be a blessing to someone else. If I have learned one thing from asking God for His help in times of hardship it’s to go and find someone in a similar situation as me and be a blessing to them. I believe strongly that God will bless us twice as much in our trials if we, instead of wallowing in our sorrows, go be a blessing to someone in need.

Then we should go about our daily routine with a smile on our face, a skip in our step and faithfully wait on God to step into our situation. The key word here is faith ladies. If we don’t have faith we can never find real genuine joy.

A friend of mine once told me that she had a friend who had a strong faith in God. She used to meet with her once a month at Starbucks for coffee and she told me that this friend was always very joyful. She, herself, was always feeling bad about everything that went wrong in her life. They both had many trials in their lives and in fact became friends because both of these women had children with chronic illness who lived most of their days in and out of hospitals as a result. One day, as she was having coffee with her friend, she had been in the middle of wallowing in her sorrows and she said, “Life has just thrown me under the bus!” Her friend, with a strong faith in the Lord, looked back at her with a sincere smile and said to her, “You know what?…It did the same thing to me but I have decided I am gonna drive the bus!”

Many of us, including myself, have a tendency to give up and sit around thinking that all is lost. When I look at these two women, the only difference between them is their attitude and faith in God.  This woman who was so torn by her trials decided that she was gonna stay under the bus instead of pulling herself out from under the bus, getting into the driver’s seat and drive around trying to help others who were caught under the bus and pulling them out. Her friend on the other hand was not going to let the fact that life threw her under the bus as well. She made a concious decision to pull herself out and get in the driver’s seat and help those who were also thrown under the bus. This story has spoke volumes to me. It has made me realize that even though I may go through trials in my life, if I stay strong in my faith, pray, and be a blessing to someone else, God will always take care of me. I will always bounce back from my trials.

This, my dear women of worth, is how we live with joy in our trials. We never give up we keep on going and we pick up others along the way so that they might find the same joy we have experienced.

I will leave you for now with a verse that has brought me comfort on many occasions…

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

                                                                                                                                      -James 1:2-3


Loving Others is Easy…Isn’t It?

When we think of loving others, we think of loving the people who are close to us like our husband, children, mom, dad, siblings, extended family and friends. We may hear people say that we need to love others and we instantly think…”I love other people. I love my family members and friends, I give to charity etc.” We think that loving others is easy…isn’t it though?

I agree that most of us love the people that are the closest to us and the people that we enjoy being around. That’s easy! What about the people in our lives that we don’t necessarily like or get along with. Is loving those people easy? Probably not. Especially if they did something to hurt you. It would be extremely difficult. I believe that the truest form of love, agape love, is in loving everyone. Even the people we don’t like for some reason or another. In fact, I believe that if we were to truly love others with all of our heart and soul the world we live in would be a much better place. So how can we begin to love those people in our lives that we feel don’t deserve it?

First of all, I believe that it’s not up to us to decide who deserves to be loved by us. If we are thinking to ourselves that certain people don’t deserve our love then we obviously think way too highly of ourselves. The reason why I think this is because I’m sure we all have said things or done some things to others that weren’t very loving. In other words, there are people out there who are thinking the same thing about us while we are judging others for what we think they’re doing wrong.  I believe that God wants us to love everyone. No matter what. I know this is hard. Imagine if we did. What would happen?

A few years ago, I wondered this exact thing. I had a co-worker in my office with whom I had to work closely with and still do to this day. My opinion of her, at the time, was not so good. Even though I didn’t really know her very well, I formed an opinion in my mind. This happens with all of us. She, in turn, formed an opinion about me as well. We didn’t really speak to each other unless it was absolutely necessary. One day, I thought to myself…”I wonder why she acts like that?” Not long after, I noticed that she acted similar to all the women in the office but not the men. She seemed to want all the men in the office to pay attention to her and if any woman in the office talked to any of them, she would right away try to get the attention back over to her. I thought this was very interesting. I started to wonder why she acted this way. She was obviously very insecure for some reason.

We continued with the same co-worker relationship we always had until one day I realized that it takes two people to make a relationship work. Even though she really didn’t want much to do with me, I reached out to her. She is known in my office as the office bully by the way. It wasn’t easy at all. I figured out that ignoring her wasn’t helping so I might as well try to reach out and get along. In other words, show her a little love. To my surprise she actually responded. She actually has even brought things to work for me to eat sometimes. I’m in no way bragging about myself. I am just using this as an example. I have had to work with this woman for the past eleven years. Which is why I knew I needed to do something. We will probably be working closely until we retire so I figured that something must change. It started with me. I had to make that change.

You see, when we start to try to reach out and get along with others, good things happen. The problem is that somebody has to go first and it’s because of the pride we feel that stops us. If everyone would just humble themselves in dealing with everyone they come in contact with, our world would change as well. I’m not saying it’s easy but ignoring people or being mean to them never works so why not do something different like love them no matter what? The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t respond and you feel foolish. The important thing is that at least you tried. God was watching and He knows what happened.

Sometimes people are so lost in their lives they don’t feel anything anymore. They get so used to defending themselves against that hurt that they stop feeling. People like that need help. I’m not saying that by loving them they will automatically be cured from their indifference but we should try to be loving to everyone we meet. You never know what it might mean to someone.

There’s a well known story about a taxi driver who got a call as he was just about to head home after a long day of work. The call was from an elderly woman who asked him to take her from her home to a nursing home. He reluctantly decided to take one last customer and he picked her up at her home. When she got into the taxi she gave him the address but asked if he would mind taking a different route. The taxi driver saw that the route she gave  him to follow was extremely long. He thought to himself, “I guess it was worth taking this last customer because this route will pay very good.”

He proceeded to drive the route she gave and noticed the woman really enjoying the sites. At the time it didn’t make sense to him because the route went very far away from her destination and there really wasn’t anything exciting to see along the way. She didn’t even make conversation. She was just very happy looking out the window.

When they finally arrived at her destination he opened the door for her and helped her with her bags to the front door. She then began to cry and told him how much joy she brought to her. The taxi driver asked her how he brought her joy. He said that he just drove her around the city in some really old area. Nothing spectacular to see. The old woman began to explain to him that the streets she asked him to drive through were where she grew up and then got married and raised her family. She told him that it was the best time of her life and she just wanted to see it one more time before she went into the nursing home. She told him that she had terminal stomach cancer and she just wanted to see the places she spent her happiest years one more time.

The taxi driver was touched. He thanked her for her kind words and saw that she arrived safely into the nursing home. When he got back into his taxi he thought to himself, “Wow! I wonder what would have happened if I decided not to take this last fare? Would the other driver had been so patient with her request?”

This is a great example of how what we do and say to people affects their lives. We all have such a unique opportunity in life to love the people that we encounter on our way through the journey of our lives. No it’s not easy, but it is certainly worth it.

I leave with you today a quote that speaks to my heart and I hope it speaks volumes to yours..

“God teaches us to love by putting some unlovely people around us. It takes no character to love people who are lovely and loving to you.”

-Rick Warren



How Can We Have a Happy Marriage that Lasts? If We Truly Love Each Other it Will Stand the Test of Time

When we get married we all are filled with joy and hope for a happy future with our life partners. Many of us as women dream of the day our prince charming will propose and sweep us off our feet. Promising to love, cherish and share their lives with us until death do we part. We dream of our wedding day and walking down the aisle in front of our parents, relatives and close friends. We have so much hope and expectations for our future that we never want that feeling to end. What happens after we get married? What happens after our wedding day? There is so much hype that goes into planning the wedding itself we may never stop to think about planning a marriage. So how can we have a happy marriage that lasts?

My husband and I have been happily married for thirty-four years. In fact, we just celebrated our anniversary last week. I am no expert on the matter but I feel compelled to share my experience with you ladies because I see in our society today that we are taking the commitment of marriage very lightly. I see many women getting married because they think it will make them happy or because they just want to get away from their families. Some women marry out of obligation from their families. Some women marry for a higher social status or financial stability. Still some women marry because they love their partner with all of their heart and want to live with them the rest of their lives. Hopefully, those of you who are reading this got married for the latter. If so I would like to discuss how we can have a marriage that lasts and live happily ever after.

When the wedding bells have rung and all of the gifts have been opened and you return home from your honeymoon,  as women, we feel like we are on cloud nine and we don’t know how we could ever be so happy. As time goes by, we discover many new things about our partners that we may have either overlooked or really had no idea that they did certain things. You learn a lot about a person when you live with them and have to share everything. I know this is why, in our society today, a lot of people think that before they get married they should just move in together and test it out. I totally disagree with this notion and I will tell you why. The divorce rates are even higher for those people who decided to live with each other for a long period of time before getting legally married. If you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself. My other reason is because if you are worried that the person you want to marry might not be the right one in the first place then that’s a red flag right there and you should ask yourself why you have those feelings about your partner already.

Once you get settled with each other in your marriage, usually after the first year, you begin to feel a sense of comfort. You begin to sort of relax with each other, so to speak, and that’s when things may start to get a little complicated. Especially if you both entered the marriage with high expectations for each other without having discussed them before saying “I do”. Now when I say high expectations,  I mean that you came into the marriage with preconceived notions of how things would be and how your partner would be( I know a lot of you are thinking that this is why you should live together before marriage so as to find out these things before getting married. If it worked, the divorce rate among those people who lived with each other for a substantial period of time would be much lower. It’s not! It is much higher than those who marry and then move in together).

For instance, let’s say your husband always cleaned up after himself whenever you went out to dinner or ate at someone else’s house while you were dating. This may have been one of the reasons you fell in love with him to begin with. Then, not long after getting married, he starts to leave his plate on the table after dinner or maybe he picks up his plate but leaves it in the sink. You think to yourself. “Hmmm, oh no! He didn’t just leave his plate in the sink and expect that I am going to wash all the dishes! I have a job too!” This scene is a very typical example of how we may start to get so comfortable with our partner that we start to relax with each other and show our true colors, so to speak.

Ladies, everyone puts on their best behavior before getting married. It just comes natural. This is why it is so important to see your partner in many life situations before making that commitment to marry. This example is of course a very minor thing that most of us can work out, but you understand what I am trying to say. Let’s say that this is a big deal for you though. Let’s say it really bothers you. How would you handle this?

Most of us, including myself, would probably either say something and start an argument, or just go on ahead and wash all the dishes and be resentful the rest of the evening and not say anything. If you chose to be resentful and wash the dishes anyway and then walk around with an attitude thinking your husband knows what he did that upset you, you are probably very wrong. He most likely has no idea and thinks that everything in his world is great. Ladies, we must have good communication with our partners. The choice to start an argument with him is not a good choice either. So what is the best way to handle this situation?

Instead of getting in an argument or keeping it built up inside until you blow up later on, you need to have a discussion with your husband about the situation. Timing matters. Don’t pick a time where your husband is preoccupied with something else. Especially if you think it is not important. If it is important to him, it should be important to you. After all, we did promise to love this person for the rest of our lives didn’t we? Some of you might be thinking, “Yes, but that was before I found out how lazy he is”…or etc. This is where the test of true love comes in.

The word “love” is thrown around and taken so lightly in our society today. Everyone just assumes they will be loved when they get married. People think that all couples in a committed relationship must love each other otherwise how could they stay together?

Just because two people who are committed to each other in marriage or a long lasting relationship are together, doesn’t necessarily mean they love each other. Many people stay in marriages because they are afraid that everyone will think that they failed. Some stay because of the children. Some stay for financial reasons. Some stay because their religious beliefs tell them they can never divorce. Some people stay because there is abuse and they are afraid to leave. If this is the case, you must seek shelter and get professional help right away. This is very unfortunate. Don’t stay if there is any kind of physical and/or mental abuse. Things will get worse not better. If you are married for any other reason than mutual love, you need to get professional help.

Hopefully when you married your partner you saw something in them that made you smile and say, “Wow! I love him and I just want to be with him everyday and live a happy life!”How do we find that kind of love in our marriage again if when we look at each other all we can see is resentment and despair?

First we must remember why we decided to marry our partners in the first place. We must have saw some good qualities in them when we took our vows. Many of us get so relaxed in our marriages we forget why we married in the first place. We start focusing on the negative things we see instead of all the positive things about our spouses and let it consume our thoughts. It’s funny how, after being married for awhile, we can look at our spouse and see all the negative things they do but don’t ever look at ourselves and judge ourselves the same way. We are not any better than they are my sisters! We may have to live with them and put up with a lot of the things that we don’t like but they also have to live with us and put up with all we bring to the table as well. This is a hard realization.

Loving our spouses everyday is a blessing. We can have a blessed and happy marriage if we learn how to truly love our spouses selflessly instead of selfishly. This, ladies, is the only way to have a marriage that lasts and stands the test of time and will lead to a happy, joyful and fulfilling marriage.

If we want to change our marriages for the good and live happily ever after, we must decide to look at the positive qualities our spouses possess. Even if we have to make a list of all the positive things we see in them. Do it! Think about those qualities every time you are together. Even when they do something that bothers you. Especially when they do something that bothers you. Do this until it becomes a habit.

Next, if we truly love someone we will treat them like we do. I believe that love is an action word not a feeling. I realize a lot of you are thinking, “No! That’s not true! I loved my husband when we first got married. I just don’t feel the same way now. I’ve fallen out of love for him.” Ladies! Love is NOT something you fall into and out of! Love is an action. It’s something you do. When you got married you may have been loving your husband but you were also very infatuated with him as well. After awhile, the infatuation simmers down. Love is what you do to turn up the level of infatuation you have for your partner.

I believe that if two people who are married and want to have a happy and joyful marriage they must live to serve one another. Oh my! There’s that word! Serve! Yes ladies! I said serve! This means that both partners must be willing to serve each other to the best of their abilities with love and kindness selflessly.

Let’s unpack this statement for a minute. Many of you are saying, “Okay! Let’s say I start serving my husband with love and kindness selflessly and he doesn’t return the favor. Then what?” This is why I said selflessly. Ladies, we must be willing to serve our husbands in every way selflessly expecting nothing in return. If you are serving your husband selfishly, always watching him and expecting him to return the favor, you will become disappointed. You need to truly want to serve him selflessly. Only then will you feel joy in your heart for your spouse again. He may not return the favor. Especially at first. He might just think that something is wrong with you or that you are treating him differently because you want something. Stay the course ladies! Don’t give up! Someone has to be the first to start the fire again. I believe that the first one to start this on going commitment to serve each other has God’s heart!

Lastly, enjoy each other’s company. Find things you enjoy doing together and do them often. Take time out for each other. Plan a regular weekly date with your spouse. This is time that’s set aside for just the two of you. No one else. I know this can be hard at times. Especially when you have children or extended family staying with you. Let them know that you need some time alone with each other to spend by yourselves. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or care for them. It’s just a way of taking care of your marriage. If they truly want you to be happy, they will understand.

Most children and families love watching their parents show affection for each other. I’m not talking about a deep passionate kiss or anything like that but I am talking about holding hands or putting your arms around each other. This gives them hope. So I believe it’s okay to show affection in front of your children. My children constantly remind my husband and I that we are their role models for what a good marriage looks like so with that we feel a huge sense of responsibility.

Here is a verse that has always spoke to my heart and I would like to share it with you…

Proverbs 3:3-4 “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

This I believe with all of my heart and soul. If we love our spouses and have faith in them instead of focusing our efforts on the negative things, then the Lord our God will give us favor with Him and with everyone else that witnesses it. Our children will then have a good example to follow and it will be passed on from generation to generation. Our marriages will be blessed and we will find joy and happiness in our partner because we are loving them not because they are loving us.








Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places…Choosing a Life Partner


Valentine’s Day is almost here! This holiday can cause a significant amount of pressure on all of us. Single women, in particular, who are hoping to someday get married end up watching married, engaged or exclusively dating friends and relatives make plans for the day.  This can be very intimidating. Valentine’s day is supposed to be a day to celebrate love! It’s a day to celebrate romantic love between you and your significant other. The problem is that not everyone, at the moment, may have a significant other. Valentine’s Day has a way of making that fact hold more true than on any other day of the year. Especially for those who are seeking a life partner and have not yet found “Mr. Right.”  It can lead those single women to question themselves and wonder if they are worthy of being loved.  It can also lead them into thinking that they are too good for anyone without actually realizing that they are giving out the wrong vibe. These two ways of thinking are extremely harmful in choosing a life partner. It can lead women to look for love in all the wrong places. So how can a single woman choose the right life partner? Let’s explore.

When seeking a life partner, as women, we can sometimes be trying too hard. This may be because we are getting older and our families may be pressuring us to find someone. It could be because we see our friends dating and getting engaged and then married and we still haven’t found “the one.” We feel pressured by it and put our profile on some dating website that promises to find us a match. After awhile, we may come up short and feel that we are just plain tired of looking. This leads to frustration and we may, without even knowing it, harden our hearts toward potential mates by acting as though we don’t need them. In turn, men may either treat you as their buddy or they may just steer clear of you all together.

Then there’s the needy woman. This woman is usually a very nice loving girl who wishes to find a man to marry and will do anything she can to get him to ask. This woman decides that she wants to have that fairy tale ending and will sell herself short to get it. In other words, she lowers her standards and will accept the first guy who treats her nicely.

Let me first say, ladies, that both of these approaches are dangerous. Especially the latter. First and foremost a “woman of worth” needs to know her worth and love herself enough to have standards that match up with a woman after God’s heart. Only then will you be able to attract the right man for you.

Any woman can find a man. It not that hard. As “women of worth” we want to find the right kind of man. A man who will love you and respect you for who you are and your purpose in life. A man who will support you and care about your needs as much as you care about his. A man who love’s God and who is seeking Him. A man who has depth and good moral values. A man who values you for who you are. A man you can trust. A man you can grow with. A man you can grow old with.

“So where do we find this kind of man?” you ask. Well ladies, we must first look inside our own hearts and ask ourselves if we are truly ready to find a life partner. If we are not ready then we shouldn’t even consider it. Marriage is a very serious life commitment and should not be entered into unless we are mature enough to give of ourselves and share our lives with another person. Marriage is a lifetime commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. We are literally joining two lives together as one. We will share everything with our life partners. It is one of the most wonderful and most beautiful relationships we will ever have in our lives and we should only marry if we are absolutely sure about the person we are marrying.  Marriage isn’t for selfish people. Marriage is for selfless people. If we find that we are ready then I would suggest that we first ask God for guidance in this area. He is the only one that truly has our own best interests at heart.

Next, I suggest that we know what standards we are looking for in a mate. Hold true to those standards. Never give in on the deal breakers. Deal breakers are those huge challenges in life that we just can’t see ourselves living with. For example, the guy you start dating tells you that he never wants to have children and you want children. This is a deal breaker. Don’t think that you will change his mind. You won’t. If everything else about him is great it doesn’t matter. If you want to have children someday and he doesn’t you will not be happy later on. Don’t sell yourself short. Move on.

As far as where to look for a good man. A man worthy of pursuing you. I would enlist in telling those family members and friends that you are truly close to and trust that you are ready to find a life partner. I know this sounds funny. We like to think that it’s supposed to happen spontaneously. Like in the movies. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with letting those you trust to be on the lookout for “Mr. Right.” The decision is yours in the end anyway. Those people who have your best interest at heart will most likely make good suggestions.

People think that you need to hang out where all the potentially good men hang out in order to find someone. There is some truth to this kind of thinking. If you’re looking for a good man you don’t go looking in places where men with low moral standards in life hangout. That’s not to say that all good men are hanging out at the best country clubs either or at church or other places of worship. Many men and women alike attend churches, mosques, synagogues and temples on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean that they are good moral people with good values. They might just be there because they were told they had to go when they were children and so they go. If they are not applying it to their lives then it doesn’t mean anything.

Live your life. Do things that you enjoy and commit to those things. Be involved with the things that matter to you. Take notice of the potential men in your space. Get to know them on a friendship level. Men are attracted to women who are kind and not rude. Assertive but not loud and obnoxious. Modestly dressed and attractive. Okay,  I admit that they are attracted to women who are showing all their cleavage too but they definitely don’t respect them. We want our man to respect us. Dress with modesty but look good. Be mindful of your looks. Don’t walk around like you just woke up out of bed and wonder why you aren’t finding anyone. Men are very visual beings. They are attracted to beauty. This doesn’t mean, ladies, that if we aren’t super models we will never find anyone either. Men are first attracted to beauty but they are secondly attracted to kindness and originality. They want a woman who is confident but not a know it all.

Lastly, put yourself out there but remember to guard your heart. This means that you should make yourself available but don’t seem needy. Hold yourself and the gentlemen who you allow in your lives to a certain standard. Know who you are and continue to be you. Your prince charming will come.

Leave a comment-





How to Love and How to Be Loved


Good afternoon lovely ladies! I am excited about this month’s topic on love! Everyone needs love and wants to be loved. Do we really understand the true meaning of love? I believe that in our society today we have lowered the standard on what the true definition of love really is. As women we need to know our worth and stop selling ourselves short of what God made us to be. I believe if we as women discover our own self-worth we can begin to love others selflessly instead of selfishly. So how do we begin to love ourselves with self-respect so that we can begin to truly love others?

I believe that God is the creator of love. He created us as women, so he created womanhood just like he created men and manhood. Many women in our society today sell themselves short of true love. True self-love and true selfless love for others. Why do so many of us women sell ourselves short of experiencing true love the way our creator intended?

If you look at everything in our society today, everything on T.V. or in magazines, strongly influences how we perceive ourselves as women. Television portrays women as either scandalous, overbearing, too emotional, raunchy or just plain pitiful. There are very few programs on television today that portray the qualities women, who truly love themselves and others, as strong, self-respecting and loving people. Generally, magazines portray us as sex symbols or as either dominating or naive little women that use their beauty to get what they want out of life. Some women think that this is okay. They think that they don’t mind using what they have to get by in life.

My dear beautiful women! This is called exploitation! The only way we can make it stop is if we raise our standards! If we truly love ourselves, not with pride but with respect, we can change the way society both treats us and views us. “So how do we do that?, you ask. First of all, we must look deep in our hearts and discover the true reason why we allow ourselves to be treated disrespectfully. Maybe someone in our lives when we were growing up told us we were not worthy of love. This is true for a lot of women. They might not of said it in those exact words. They might of just belittled us all of our lives so we grew up either always being on the defense or always trying to please others. If someone we are close to, let’s say a parent or a sibling, constantly makes fun of us, even jokingly, we will grow up either always being on the defense or always trying to please everyone. Neither of these are healthy. Neither of these are loving yourself.

Once we figure out why we allow ourselves to be disrespected, we have to change the way we look at ourselves. We have to see ourselves how God sees us. He made us beautiful both on the inside and outside. That old cliché of “beauty is only skin deep” is so wrong. We all were created to love and be loved. We must first find our self-worth in order to love others. I have seen other groups try to tackle this issue and they say that they want to “empower women” then they ask that nobody who joins the group can bring up God, religion etc. I’m sorry ladies but I know for a fact that without God we would not be here and I will include Him in every aspect of my life. God is the only one that can change a person’s heart. I believe He made all of us unique for a purpose and we need to figure out what that purpose is so we can live a life filled with love and joy.

Next, we must ask ourselves how we see ourselves. Do we love ourselves? Do we treat ourselves with respect? If we don’t treat ourselves with respect no one else will. We also must ask ourselves if we have an egotistical love for ourselves. If we think too much of ourselves we become prideful and rude, demanding and overbearing. This is also not respectful to ourselves either because it proves that we are afraid of something and have to put on a strong face so nobody will hurt us. In other words, we won’t allow people in. Especially the people who are closest to us.

Upon realizing how we view ourselves we can start to make changes. For instance, let’s say we realized that we put too much value on how other people view us. If this is something we tend to struggle with we might either be a people pleaser or maybe just extremely shy. If this is true we need to stop trying to please everyone and allowing others to “walk all over us”.

How do we stop feeling like we need to make everyone around us “like” us? We look at ourselves the way God looks at us! He loves us! He thinks we are all awesome! Just like most parents do to their children. I know not all of you who read my blog are not parents,  but if you are, you know that you love your children with all your heart and in your eyes they are beautiful inside and out. You know that if your child does something wrong you need to correct them, that doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or that you love them any less. So why do we think that God loves us any less when we don’t always do everything right? God sees our hearts. He’s the only one that truly knows what’s inside it. That being said, we need to give ourselves a break. Lighten up and laugh at ourselves sometimes. It’s okay!

I know, from my own personal experience, that I have struggled with this issue in the past. Especially when I was a teenager! I allowed people to get inside my head and make me believe that I wasn’t good enough. Mainly because of my social status. However, I didn’t deal with it at the time in the right way. I wasn’t able to truly love myself back then. Now I see what God sees in me. It’s not perfect! But I know what’s in my heart and so does He. I am confident in that no matter what! I do my best every day! I treat people with respect and I hope they will treat me with respect as well. If they don’t, I no longer dwell on what they think because I know in my heart that I am a good and loving person and they just don’t know me.

As for those women who try to dominate others and try too hard to prove themselves to the world, they also must change their way of thinking if they want other people to truly love them. They might be able to get people to do what ever they want and be surrounded by people who idolize them, but I am certain that when the chips are down and they need someone to care about them, very few will be there to pick-up the pieces. People will always be around when everything is going great. Our true friends are defined by where they are when everything falls apart. Just look at the movie, “The Devil Wears Prada”. The main character in the movie played by Meryl Streep was very dominating and cruel. She had everything she could possibly want, but she didn’t have love.

Ladies! We are not defined by how pretty we are or how much money we have or even the people in our lives. We are who we are based on God who loves us! So we should love ourselves enough to say no sometimes. We should do things for ourselves so we will be able and willing to love others. We have value.  We need to find it. When we do, we need to use it to bless others! We as women of worth are the light of our families!

I will leave you with this quote that I find dear to my heart–

Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
– Stacey Charter